


No Joy In Ylisse

by Infy



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Gen, light shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3723703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infy/pseuds/Infy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now they're both gone. The reasons her life turned out the way it did, the reasons for her endless scientific curiosity, the reasons for her joining the shepherds, the reasons for her interest in magic in the first place... now both her mother and exalt Emmeryn were gone. It was all she could do to keep from breaking. Even though she was alone in her room, she felt it necessary still to maintain her poise for some fascinating reason, one that Miriel was unable to discern.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Joy In Ylisse

_There was no joy in Ylisse._

_Outside her room, Miriel could only hear the sounds of muffled whimpers as Lissa trudged down the hall. It took all she had to block it out. She grabbed a book on metaphysics from her shelf, flipping through it briefly before realizing the author. It took a moment to come to her, but as she traced the letters of her mother's name with shaky fingertips, the pressure behind Miriel's eyes built to the point of overflow._

_Now they're both gone._

_The reasons her life turned out the way it did, the reasons for her endless scientific curiosity, the reasons for her joining the shepherds, the reasons for her interest in magic in the first place... now both her mother and exalt Emmeryn were gone._

_It was all she could do to keep from breaking. Even though she was alone in her room, she felt it necessary still to maintain her poise for some fascinating reason, one that she was unable to discern._

_The one thing Miriel had never figured out how to analyze and observe was herself--it was for that reason she slumped into her chair and breathed deeply, it was for that reason that she stared so intently at that book's cover... And it was for that reason that she finally curled herself into a ball, clutching her mother's book to her chest, and sobbed._

**

They'd returned from the march hungry, thirsty, exhausted, but Miriel and Sully forced themselves to keep their morale. It was all they returned with, save an odd javelin or nosferatu tome and a few new battle scars to brag about. All things considered, it was a rather fulfilling jaunt for the both of them. They got some good practice in, some conversation... a regular girls' day out for Miriel and Sully.

The gates of Ylisstol opened, and they'd barely set foot inside the city before the shadow of a Pegasus knight swooped over them, calling Miriel's name. She recognized the voice, though far away, and once her face came into view, Miriel recognized that as well. 

"General Phila...?" Miriel murmured, and Sully cast a glance backwards at her. Of course, Miriel's family was always rather close with the economists of House Ylisse, but the idea of a military General herself requesting an audience with a simple foot soldier seemed rather odd to Sully. Her stomach turned, though she didn't know why, but as she searched Miriel's face for an ever-elusive hint of emotion, she noticed a glint of apprehension in her eyes behind her usual aloof gaze. She had no idea what was happening either. Something told the both of them it wasn't good. 

Phila landed, dismounting quickly, and Sully and Miriel both immediately saluted their superior. "At ease," Phila ordered, and the both of them stood straight with their hands behind their back, still looking her evenly in the eye despite their apprehension. "Miriel." Phila nodded her direction. While Sully couldn't quite gauge the expression on Phila's face, her voice was solemn, but gentler than usual.

"Yes, ma'am," Miriel immediately responded, looking straight forward as expected from a soldier. 

"Exalt Emmeryn has requested a special audience with you, Sergeant." Phila took a deep breath, one that made Miriel and Sully both want to cringe, but they forced themselves stoic in the presence of their General. 

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am." Miriel nodded slightly, with a shaky breath. "Ma'am, I am left to wonder about the cause of such an audience with the Exalt herself, ma'am."

"While I was made privy to these details, Sergeant, I am not at liberty to discuss them with you quite yet. I was simply sent to alert you of your expectations," Phila said firmly, her expression unchanging. "As much as I would like to tell you, the Exalt has ordered my silence until you arrive."

A quiet but firm acknowledgment of Phila's words with a "ma'am, yes ma'am", and at the sight of Miriel's furrowed brow in anticipation, Sully decided it was time to step in.

"Ma'am." Sully spoke evenly, glancing sidelong at Miriel, and they both exchanged a knowing look. This couldn't be good. "Requesting permission to accompany the Sergeant to her destination, ma'am."

Phila glanced over at Miriel, and after a breath, she muttered, "Permission granted, Sergeant Major Sully. That said, your presence is left at the Exalt's discretion. If she orders you to take your leave, expect to do so."

"Understood, ma'am." And at that, Phila gently took the reins of her Pegasus, who folded in its wings and walked evenly beside her as she led the two soldiers to the castle in complete silence. 

Emmeryn's countenance was always a welcome change for both Miriel and Sully, but this time, she seemed somber, almost forlorn. It made Miriel's breath hitch in her throat, and though her apprehension was weak to an untrained eye, Sully knew, and gently squeezed her hand and offered her a smile to reassure her. 

Emmeryn's usually commonplace warm smile was nowhere to be found, and even though she forced the corners of her lips to upturn after dismissing the General and ensuring Miriel, Sully, and herself were the only ones in the room, Miriel's observant eye found the Exalt's smile to be far too hollow to stay her concerns. "Miriel..." She murmured, and glanced over at Sully. "I'm so glad you have a friend here with you."

Miriel bowed deeply. "Yes, thank you, your grace. I'd have no better friend at my side." Sully smiled, but elected to remain silent. 

Emmeryn stepped slowly and evenly toward the two of them. "Unfortunately, the news I bear is not good news." Miriel stiffened, and Sully still held her hand tightly. 

"Miriel, I am so sorry, but... while you and the troops were moving out, your mother fell gravely ill."

The amount of thoughts flooding into Miriel's head visibly overwhelmed her,  and she exhaled sharply, taking a step back. Only after a moment was she able to respond, but only one shaky word emerged from her throat. "I-ill...?"

Emmeryn merely took her hand with soft, gentle fingers, and led her to sit at a small table, but rather than sitting across from her, Emmeryn merely knelt down at the foot of Miriel's chair. Sully stood behind them, remaining silent. 

"When may I see her...?" Miriel leaned in towards Emmeryn, who shut her eyes and gave a forlorn sigh. Immediately Miriel stiffened, and behind them, Sully's eyes grew wide. All the mage could manage was a quietly whispered "No..."

The Exalt finally spoke. "Miriel, I'm... all I can do is give you my condolences. I... I am truly sorry."

Everything in her refused to believe it. She was fine the moment they had left. Miriel and Sully had visited her before they moved out. She'd offered them food for the march, a manuscript for Miriel to review when she found the time, and a kiss on the cheek. She was fine. Not ill. And most certainly still alive. "Y-you mean to say..."

"...It was very sudden," Emmeryn continued, shutting her eyes lightly as the tears fell. And as Miriel could do nothing but sit there, mouth agape, eyes wide, Emmeryn held her hand tightly, but with a gentleness only she could provide. "I assure you, Miriel, that our clerics did everything in their power to save her. She did not suffer."

The mage merely stood, and Sully shifted behind her, trying to get a bearing on her reaction, but as usual, Miriel forced every bone in her body to maintain the aloof nature she was so famous for. "I thank you for giving me the news, Your Grace. I hope these unfortunate events were not an inconvenience to House Ylisse." Sully and Emmeryn both noticed the deep tremor in her voice, but both thought it was best not to say anything in response, mostly because Miriel had already turned to leave, and because by the time either of them could think of anything to say, she was already gone. 

Sully exchanged glances with the Exalt. All Emmeryn had to say was "go to her" before Sully bowed quickly and immediately rushed off after Miriel, knowing exactly where she would go. 

The cavalier found her exactly where she thought she'd be, curled into a ball and leaning against her mother's door. "Miri..." Sully murmured, but she didn't get a response until after a long pause.

"I should have stayed," Miriel murmured shakily. "I could have made a salve, a potion. There has to be something I could have done to save her. I... I owed her that much, and I..." She could only trail off her speech, but the words themselves stuck so boldly out in her mind. 

I failed her. 

"Don't you fucking dare say that. You know for a fact this had nothing to do with you." Sully simply sat down next to her, leaning back against the door, and offered her a comforting touch to her shoulder. 

"Hah..." Miriel let out a sigh, her muscles still locked tightly to stay her breakdown. "... Nothing here has changed. Almost as if she never left."

"She's never gonna leave," Sully murmured, wrapping an arm around her friend's shoulders. "As long as you remember her, as long as you make her proud... nah, she's still here. You're just like her."

"S-Sully..." And her voice cracked, and Sully held her close as Miriel sobbed into her shoulder. 

***

_A sharp knock sounded at Miriel's door, and immediately she straightened her posture, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "Who is it...?" she asked, pushing past a shaky voice and a closed throat._

_"Hey, Miri, it's me."_

_At the sound of Sully's voice, soothing to Miriel and only her, it seemed, she untensed her muscles even slightly and gave a quiet, "come in"._

_Sully had taken off all her armor, but despite how late it was, she still hadn't gotten around to changing into her bedclothes. It wasn't until then that Miriel noticed she was still in her own robes. Changing clothes hadn't occurred to her for some reason, perhaps mostly because of the day's trauma._

_"We'd be dead if not for that Olivia girl," Sully sighed, taking it upon herself to sit next to Miriel on her bed. Anyone else but Sully, and Miriel would have found it unnaturally annoying._

_All Miriel could do to respond for a moment was a quiet grunt of acknowledgment before she could formulate a proper reaction. Finally the words came to her. "I almost wish she'd left me behind."_

_"You're doing it again."_

_"I'm doing what again...?"_

_Sully gave an exasperated sigh, one that furrowed Miriel's brow. "You're blaming yourself for things you can't change again. You did this with..." Her eyes trailed off to the book next to Miriel, her mother's name large on the spine of it, and she sighed once more, this one more sympathetic than the last. With a shut of her eyes, and she relaxed against the wall. "You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"_

_The mage turned her head away. "She tends to be on my mind when the subject of death comes up." Before Sully could even begin to think of what to say in response to that, Miriel added, "particularly... particularly a death I could have prevented."_

_A grit of her teeth, and Sully turned her friend towards her by the shoulder. "Stop it. Just fucking stop." She said firmly, and Miriel scowled, shaking her hand off of her shoulder without a word. "It wasn't you. It's never been you. Why can't you just man up and realize not everything is your gods-damn fault?"_

_Miriel merely sat there taking Sully's wrath, head lowered, staring at her hands. The ones that failed both her mother and the exalt. And when Sully went silent for a moment to give her a chance to respond, all Miriel could manage was a firm "are you finished?"_

_Her reply caught Sully off-guard, and it took a moment for her to realize how much it pissed her off. The audacity curled her lip into a snarl, and she stood up off the bed and perched her hands on her hips. "I'm trying to tell you you didn't do anything--"_

_Miriel's voice raised, uncharacteristically so, and she stood along with Sully, never breaking eye contact. "That is the crux of the issue, Sully. I didn't do anything. I could have saved her had I been more alert and--"_

_"Just shut the fuck up and listen to me, will you?! Your mom would be pissed off if she saw you sniveling in here like some scared little girl!"_

_"I will not! YOU shut the fuck up!" Miriel snapped, and Sully took a step back in shock at her expletive being returned to her. "You know absolutely nothing about my mother! Do not EVER speak about her!" Miriel's face contorted into the most vicious expression Sully had ever seen on her--it was almost terrifying. "And she would come to the same conclusion! You are always so quick to pass the blame. You refuse to be at fault for anything, but it is time to face the facts in front of us. This was a failed mission, and the Exalt's death is on this army's shoulders!" Miriel took a step closer to Sully, and in turn, Sully took another incredulous step back. She'd never seen Miriel this angry. "This was nobody's fault BUT ours! How dare you try to pass it off as 'not our problem'! Why can't you take responsibility for once in your life?!"_

_But despite the shock of the change in Miriel's countenance, Miriel's next words resulted in Sully barreling into her, slamming her against the wall._

_"Your brothers would be ashamed!"_

***

"Frederick! Sully! Lissa! The cavalry's back!"

Sully immediately dropped her stick and scrambled over next to Chrom. "Already? Damn, they must have kicked their asses real good."

Ignoring the reprimands from Frederick about cursing around a princess--and the subsequent lamentations from Lissa about "stop covering my ears" and the like--Sully pushed the prince out of the way to get a better look at the cavalry pouring in through the gates of Ylisstol. 

Sully scanned the line of cavaliers. They all looked the same to her, just blobs of color as horses marched in through the gates, some with riders, some without. She pursed her lips, turning to pick up her stick and run off down the hill, Chrom, Lissa, and Frederick left yelling for her to wait up in her wake. 

Her brothers were back. 

She sprinted down the hill, waving her arms in hopes that someone will recognize her flaming red hair or hear her naturally loud voice shouting their name. She arrived at the welcoming, scanning the faces of the crowd gathering at the gates. Mothers hugged their sons, people cried and smiled after reuniting with their families, but most of the faces she saw looked exhausted, stains of tears and grief soaking their faces.  As she pushed her way forward through the sea of people, she caught brief glimpses of the troops between the legs of all the grownups towering over her, and through all this, one thing had stuck out to her. 

The troops were decimated. 

Only a few cavaliers and Paladins remained. She finally edged her way to the front to scan the faces of the war-weary soldiers and their horses, none of whom she recognized. A General headed the cavalry, and dismounted when he approached Emmeryn, standing there with tearful eyes and a sorrowful expression. Their troops marched to quell the Plegian rebellion, numbering in the hundreds.

"The events quickly got out of hand, my lady. We are all that remains of our cavalry brigade." The general bowed his head solemnly, and Sully's eyes widened.

Princess Emmeryn merely sighed before folding her hands and bowing to the General. "Your sacrifices have been great. I only wish you were fighting for a better cause. My father's demands are cruel, but they are the demands of the exalt nonetheless." It took a moment for that warm, comforting smile to fade back onto Emmeryn's face, but when it did, the General visibly softened. "I am glad, still, that you can return to your son. He will be delighted to see you safe."

He gave a light chuckle in response, one forced and hollow, as expected for a man returning from a massacre. "Frederick is a strong boy. He's had his hands full looking after your brother and sister, I'm sure."

The sight of idle chit-chat among superiors after what had just happened to her brothers made Sully sick to her stomach. They were nowhere to be found. Their horses, gone. Their weapons, nowhere to be seen. He'd left their bodies. No burial. No dignity. She didn't even get to say goodbye. 

I'll kill him. 

With a rage-filled scream and cheeks wet with tears, she threw a rock as hard as she could, and it hit the General's armor and bounced off. His attention turned to the little girl with an armful of stones chucking them one by one in the hopes she could even make a dent, return even one tiny fraction of the pain his negligence caused her. The pain her brothers went through. "What did you do to them?!" She shouted, relentlessly pelting the man's armor. "You couldn't even let me say goodbye to them! Who the hell do you think you are?!"

The General merely stood there and took the brunt of her rage, all her empty threats about the ways she would kill him, knowing deep down that it was indeed a futile mission. He'd heard stories from the two younger boys in his brigade about their firecracker little sister and all the trouble she got into. The stories made him laugh, usually, but now her rage at his orders made his heart sink. Her brothers went knowingly into the darkness, with every twinge of doubt, almost certainly towards death. He sent them there himself. 

"They were my brothers!" She finally shouted, picking up a final stone and chucking it at him. "They were my brothers and _you killed them_!" With a grunt, he felt the stone nick him just above the eye, but he still stood straight with a furrowed brow and a sigh. 

Emmeryn silently walked towards Sully, not a word on her tongue. But when she crouched down to touch her shoulder with a sympathetic eye, her gaze was enough to melt away Sully's fury. Now there was only despair. As much as she tried to force herself not to cry, as much as she kept her emotions bottled up, Sully felt like she might explode. 

"Your brothers were heroes." The General finally spoke up with a gentle voice, one attempting to be reassuring. "They saved us all from certain death on more than one occasion. I know you too will do their legacy proud."

Sully gritted her teeth. How dare he?! "I don't want their stupid fucking legacy! I want my brothers back!!" She shot at him, and she tore away from Emmeryn, grabbing the stick she brought on the way down the hill, sprinting away until her legs refused to carry her anymore. 

"Damn it!!" She screamed, swinging the stick like a bat onto the trunk of a tree. Again. Again. She beat the tree with her stick until she saw the bark chip away, and even then, she couldn't stop. She imagined the faces of the Plegian dogs who stole them away from her, the face of their General for allowing it, and the faces of her two brothers for having the nerve to leave her all alone. "DAMN IT!!" She finally shrieked, throwing her stick as hard as she could in whatever direction she could, before collapsing on the ground in heaving and broken sobs. 

A gentle touch on her back, and she looked up to see Emmeryn looking down at her, eyes clouded with concern. "Sully..." And when Sully tried to stay her tears now that she knew she wasn't alone in this place anymore, Emmeryn only took her in an embrace, holding her tightly and whispering, "It's okay to cry, Sully. Let it all out. I'm right here."

And she did, her shoulders heaving in a wave of tears striking her all at once. The shoulder of Emmeryn's robe was soaked in tears by the time Sully managed to form coherent words. "I hate them..." She stammered, and Emmeryn gently shushed her. 

"Shhh, you know you don't mean that."

"They promised me they'd come back...! They promised me and they broke it...! I hate them!" Sully muffled herself into Emmeryn's shoulder, but she only held the girl tighter. 

"But Sully," said Emmeryn, her words gentle, yet so strong and firm. Her voice captured almost all of Sully's attention, and the residual hiccups and sniffles from her breakdown gradually began to subside. "I know your brothers are watching over you now. They and I both want you to make them proud, and keep them in your heart forever."

"How do I make them proud...? I'm just... I-I'm just a kid. I can't do anything." She gripped the cloth of Emm's robe tightly, her knuckles white.

Emmeryn smiled, the same comforting one that mended even the most broken of hearts. "Follow your dreams. And never, ever give up. I know your brothers have faith in you, and I do as well. They loved you, that much I know for certain."

"Then..." Sully stood straight. "I'm gonna be the best knight ever. I'll make them proud. And that's a promise."

***

_The fistfight that broke out led out of Miriel's room when Sully tackled her to the ground in the hall. Both of them fully invested themselves in it, though they weren't entirely sure why. They didn't care enough to figure out the reason for it--all they knew was, now, they wanted to see the other hurt, as much as they were. Grunts of pain erupted from both of them as Miriel threw her punches, as Sully slammed her against the wall with sheer brute strength--it wasn't until Sully felt someone tug her away, and until she noticed Robin behind Miriel doing the same, that she realized what exactly she was doing and who exactly she was doing it to._

_"What the hell do you two think you're doing?!" Chrom roared behind her, gripping her arm with almost painful intensity. He still held onto her despite her attempts to wiggle free. "As if we haven't seen enough needless bloodshed today!"_

_"Shut the fuck up, Chrom! She insulted my brothers, and I'm gonna make her sorry!" Sully snapped, attempting to rush at her again--Chrom quickly tugged her back and put her in a headlock, ensuring she couldn't move no matter how much she writhed to break away from him._

_"Passing the blame again?! Are you going to place me at fault for denigrating my mother to my face, too?!" Miriel shot back, and Robin hung onto the taller woman and pulled her back with all her might._

_"Stop it! Both of you are acting like children!" Robin pleaded with gritted teeth--Miriel made it a point to make it as difficult as possible for her to be able to hold her back. "Do you think this is what Emmeryn would have wanted?! After all she did for the both of you?!"_

_At those words, Miriel and Sully both softened. As much as they would hate to admit it, Robin was right in every sense. The tension died down with shaky breaths and quivering knees, and Chrom was the first to release his captive. As Sully sank onto her knees with shuddering shoulders in an attempt to stay her tears, he sighed. "Your brothers were amazing soldiers, Sully. And Miriel, your mother was one of the most intelligent people I'd ever met in my life. There's not a bad word to be said about any of them."_

_"I think you both know that," Robin added, sliding her hands away from Miriel, who only stood there shaking--her eyes trained directly onto Sully. "You two have been inseparable friends at least since the moment we met. Emmeryn would sooner have died than let a friendship like yours fall apart."_

_There was a long pause, a moment of chaotic respite with air so thick Chrom, Sully, Robin, and Miriel could barely breathe. Nobody moved, nobody spoke. The ambience wasn't even punctuated with a sigh. It wasn't until Chrom and Robin asked after a few moments if they would be okay, until Miriel and Sully both nodded shakily, and until they were left completely alone in the hall with one another, that any words were exchanged between the two of them._

_Miriel was the first to break the silence. "Are you unharmed...?" She murmured nervously, offering Sully a hand to help her up._

_"Yeah, I'm fine." Sully sighed, sniffling slightly, taking her hand and looking her in the eye as she stood. "For a right-handed mage you can throw a pretty mean left hook." Though Sully smiled even slightly to lighten the mood, Miriel furrowed her brow, staring guiltily at her friend's swollen cheek._

_"I..." Miriel began only briefly before trailing off. "I'm so sorry, Sully, I... I don't know what came over me."_

_"I came over you, arse-head. Walked in spewing all that garbage." Wiping her eyes with her thumb, Sully chuckled slightly, one less out of amusement and more a desperate attempt to thin the air. "Look, Miri. I... I shouldn't have said anything. I know you cope differently than me. And... and that shit I said about your mom, that... that was uncalled for."_

_"No, Sully, it..." Miriel sighed, trying to sort through all the words jumbled in her head. "You're right. She'd have wanted me to analyze the situation logically instead of emotionally." She cleared her throat before continuing. "And, for what it's worth, I... I'm sure your brothers are proud of you, wherever they are. You have their strength." She wiped a stray tear away from Sully's cheek, and though she winced a bit in pain, it was a gesture much appreciated. And with a smile, Miriel added, "and may the gods help those Plegian dastards who took our Exalt from us."_

_Sully only hugged her tightly, and Miriel returned it. Right there, together in the hall, they embraced, sank to their knees, and through the muddling waves of emotion, they finally held each other and cried._

_There was no joy in Ylisse._

_What there was, though, was hope, there was friendship, and there was the undying spirit of the Exalt, watching over her flock with a smile and a twinge of satisfaction._


End file.
